Starlight in the Storm

 You will never know these words because you will never read them. Because you can't see them. Because you are not my friend. In truth, you never were.

I was broken, lost, and defeated when I found you. You were screaming in the storm--a tempest in a tempest. I offered you my hand and you pulled me into the storm. You didn't even hesitate to pull me in with you so you wouldn't have to drown alone.

I was afraid of you. You frightened me but you were beautiful beyond belief. Your beauty overwhelmed my fear as your storm consumed my life.

I fought your battles for you. I battled dragons shaped like windmills and demons dressed as men. Your pain became my pain. Your fear became mine too. I took strange refuge in the beautiful, blinding light of your never ending storm.

You told me that I was perfect. You claimed that I was good. You even laughed when I told you how easy I was to hate. And you proclaimed me to be impossible not to love. Later, you would tell me that, for you, I was required.

Yet I never stopped fearing you. I feared losing you most of all. I feared losing your light, beauty, and love more than I feared losing myself. Which I did. I lost myself in you.

I offered you my heart. You took it without hesitation, as you had so readily taken my hand before. You took my heart and left a world--a cosmos--of promises forged in starlight in its place.

And then you would hide your starlight without warning, leaving me lost in the darkness of your absence for unendurable intervals of eternity. But in time, your light would shine again and I would be lost no more as I once again followed your path of promises. I was always steps behind you but steadfastly determined to catch up and keep pace. You promised that one day we would walk side by side; one day there would be no more storms, no more darkness, no more hurt--only light, and love, and us.

But those promises were not real and they soon turned into curses of despair. You repeatedly broke your word and shattered my heart. Time and again, you proclaimed me to be a monster but then proclaimed me to be your best friend and your hero once again.

You promised me family. You claimed we were building a home and a future. And I believed your promises. I was so desperate to hold on to them but in the end I failed. I wasn't perfect. I wasn't good. I was, in fact, easy for you to hate. It was possible for you not to love me. I was no longer required. You finally and forever let me go.

I shattered once more in the wake of your final rejection but I didn't die. I felt empty and alone but I no longer believed that your love would save me. Because I now knew that your love, your light, your star like beauty, and your forever friendship were never real. They were only a dream but now I am awake and I dream no more.

You will never know these words. You will never see them because you are not my friend. In truth, you never were.

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